Saturday, 26 August 2017

Dealing With People's Perceptions of You During Early Sobriety

I've made the choice to not drink.

Well, let me clarify. Not drink alcohol. I will still be drinking lots of water, sparkling water, the occasional Diet Coke (harder to quit than booze!!!) and vanilla soy milk in my coffee.

It's a personal decision I've made after having struggled with alcohol mis-use for close to two decades.

My longest stretch "near-sober" was when I was pregnant with my first son. Although I would have the occasional glass of wine with dinner (and usually wouldn't finish the glass), it really was the first time I had gone close to a year without any type of alcohol-induced buzz.

Fast-forward to a month after my son was born.

I had a glass of wine with dinner, once I had stopped breastfeeding.

It felt weird.

I didn't love the taste anymore, and I was hyper aware of how the wine was making my head ache and giving me a weird spinning/out of body feeling.

It didn't feel good, so I didn't have a second glass.

But then, something happened in June and July of this summer.
We had weeks of back-to-back family vacation, where copious amounts of wine and cider were available.
I fell into the "it's vacation! It's OK to have a few!" mentality.
But after a few weeks of this, I remembered, with a longing, aching feeling, the way I had blossomed when I wasn't drinking.
The pride, control and sheer happiness I felt.
The clarity.
The health benefits I enjoyed.

Unless that's pure motherfuckin' Diet Coke, get it outta my face!


I wanted that again.
I still want that.
I am sober, now, for real.

No "just one drink" or "it's the weekend" nonsense.
That shit just doesn't work for me!!!

To be honest, almost 20 years of drinking is/was enough for me.
I (hopefully) have another good 50+ years to pump out, and I don't wanna waste them being all like...wine-stained, slurry and ridic.

 I've gotten off topic, because this post is not about what brought me to sobriety, it's about how other people don't always know what to say to sober people.

And why do soberistas have such a hard time validating their choices not to drink? It's not about the "others" it's about us!!! If we don't wanna drink, that should be totally coolio and not pose any problems to those who are drinking.

Here are some examples of what you'll hear when you say NO to a drink:

"But what about all the great wine/spirits/beer in (enter city where you're visiting/vacationing next)?" (What about it?! I would be losing more by actually drinking it than by abstaining)

"Just have one!" (ummm, no asshole, I can't)

"It's not like you're an alcoholic" (maybe not, but I have problematic drinking patterns, otherwise I wouldn't have spent so many precious hours trying to wrap my head around this unhealthy relationship that I have with booze, right?!)

"I could never give up beer/cider/wine!" (that's OK- I'm not asking you too! My choices are for me and I don't judge you for yours)

"Don't you find it hard when your husband drinks?" (No. His relationship with alcohol is his responsibility, not mine. His drinking doesn't make me feel tight-chested like my own did)

"So what do you do for fun?" (The same things that people who drink do? No drinking means that I can enjoy my body, my mind and my emotions purely and naturally. I don't have to hide away in bed on Sunday mornings, recovering from embarrassing fuzzy memories from the night before and waiting for my hormones to regulate and my blood to detox)

"Aw, you're no fun!" (I get it. You'll miss the "fun" party girl I used to be. And I really was fun. I was flirty and silly and open. I probably paid you a lot of attention, even if you were boring or lame. But guess what? I'm more fun sober. I make better jokes, I'm naturally high on life and I can still dance without booze- even if not very well)

AAAANNNNDDD big news. My book, which will be self-published by the end of 2017, will be about recovery and self-love. A lot of other anecdotes/personal stories will be included, but I know that what I need to do is write about these struggles and how I overcame them. For me, and for all of the people who have had similar experiences 

Oh, and here's something I wrote last month that I found on my phone and really like:

When you wake up and remember that you didn't drink the day before: now that's the best feeling in the world to anyone with alcohol problems.
It's a nice combination of pride, real happiness and clarity that makes the day shine bright - even if, like today, it's raining.
A natural high of real, home-grown  endorphins flooding your system saying 'this is better than the dark stuff-stick around a bit'
Patient. Calm. Grounded.
No anxiety.
It's gonna be a great day
One day at a time you CAN slay this beast.
Be a warrior for your beautiful self who is shining from the inside out, gently cradling you in security and flooding you with love.
Saying thank you.

<3


Sunday, 13 August 2017

Some Lovely Quotes

I love quotes.
I love positive affirmations.

When I was working at MK, around the time that I was really over the corporate world, I would do all of my work quickly, and then spend my "lunchtime" printing out inspirational quotes and taping them into a little black book.

It made me feel recharged, reconnected and ridiculously blissful.

Just the act of reading beautiful, positive things got me into *the vortex* (if you haven't read Abraham Hicks, now is the time to do so!)

I'm not religious in any organized fashion. I have pretty strong opinions about how organized religion is the root of (most) evil, but I tend to keep that to myself unless asked!

However, lately, I am really digging the idea of making Sunday's "holy" in my own personal way.

I can still enjoy the things that I find get me closer to my idea of "god" (I don't use this term often because of it's directly religious connotation) but I do like to use the terms "universe" "energy" "love" etc;!

It's all one and the same anyways.

The only thing that matters is that you tune in to your own spiritual practice the way that feels right for you.

So my way?

It's doing these kinda things:

*writing

*painting
*
taking a bubble bath

*giving my son a million kisses and making him giggle

*giving my husband his favorite "eye massage" (which is really third eye massaging, little does he know hehehehe)

*walking my dog or cuddling him

*writing down a list of things I am grateful for

*reading stories about inspirational people (most recently sobriety and recovery coaches)

*cooking/eating delicious foods

*watching reality TV shows that most people find horrible

*online shopping (hey, it can be a spiritual experience!!!)

*writing badly organized blog entries about quotes and what to do on Sunday's, and something about religion and....wait, what's my point here? hahahaha....see below for the quotes and enjoy SOUL SUNDAY SISTAS AND SIRS!!!

My baby has been napping too long and my brain in on one of those see-saws that jump from topic to topic.

Here's a real life example of what my journal looks like. This beautiful collage was assembled on Feb 18, 2016. Thomas and I were living in Montreal and I was super in tune with dreaming/manifesting and all the fun spiritual things that please me so.



Hell yeah, Deepak! I know you're talking about the people who get under our skin and act like assholes! But, you're right. It does help to remember that they're doing the best that they can.
Important for HSP's like me to remember!
We are all creators. Create the reality, the live and the dreams that you want!
It's all up to you.
The biggest obstacles are often self-imposed ones! Get out of your own damn way and let the miracles flow <3

This always reminds me to love myself fiercely. Even the hurt, damaged parts need love, forgiveness and affection <3
















Friday, 4 August 2017

Toxic Friendships: Spotting Them and Discarding Them!

So, this topic has come up in my mind, and in conversations with other women SO MANY TIMES.

I'm talking about friends who aren't really friends.

Friends that really just enjoy tearing you down, because they are insecure/not happy/jealous or many just a little bored and resentful?

Otherwise known as, the bully friend.

I think we all have one or two (hopefully not too many!!!) in our lives. Sometimes it's an old friendship that you continue to carry around because you feel obligated to do so.
Or sometimes it's a new friend that seemed to check all the boxes in the "good friend" department until you slowly start realizing that they aren't who you thought they were.

And, unfortunately, these people get under your skin and actually affect your mood because you have to deal with the whole  "why is always trying to find a way to inadvertently dis me?! Why is she sooooo meaaaaaaaan!!!!" that goes on and on each time something happens, but then disappears temporarily when she's  nice.

Or the "why am I such a coward and why do I allow this behaviour? Why don't I stand up for myself?!"

So, what's the point of all of this pondering?

I have finally reached a point in my life where I am OK with gaslighting some of the not-so-great-for-me friends.

I care about myself, I treat myself with love and respect, so why would I accept less than amazing treatment from friends?!

I think that having met some super duper strong, amazing and powerful women in the last year has also shown me what true quality is.

The way I view friendship (or any relationship, really!) is that if it's not making you better, helping you grow and giving you mad support, it's just not gonna cut it.

So how do you spot a toxic friend?! If any of the following feel all too familiar, you might be mingling with one:

-The person makes passive aggressive/bitchy/mean comments regularly

-You just FEEL like your energy is getting weakened when you see them/talk to them/think about them

-You don't really look forward to hearing from them

-You feel like you've invested much more into the relationship than they have


I'm a self-diagnosed HSP (highly sensitive person) and when people purposely use that against me like it's a weakness? Not feeling it, sista.

You don't have to be mean to people or make sly comments that are meant to be hurtful.

You have no power when you try to tear others down.

So, the point of this? I'm just gonna stick with the people that make me feel like I'm sparkly and wonderful and fun and not those that try to dim my shine cause there's isn't bright.

I have a son now, and I want to show him by example that kindness is cool. That bullies can be dropped. That support and love always win out over bitchiness and rudeness.

Who hasn't felt this way at some point, amirite?!


That's right, motherfuckers <3